Category Archives: Uncategorized

Uh… No!

Red Zone

I have maintained my dating profiles on both OKC and Match, but I have been a slack ass at dating in 2015. Work, writing, and work… have eaten up my available time. Plus I am packing to move… an overwhelming and unwanted task after over 10 years in my home. C’est la vie though…I still get to do it.

This year, unlike last, I respond every now and then to guys who seem to fit my wish list. At this point, I have met a sum total of 2 guys this year thanks to OKC and Match. I’m slacking… or helllll it might be aging.  😦

I’ve managed a few message/chat exchanges on the sites, but nothing has built to a meeting situation… even at the closest Starbucks.  I just don’t have time unless they fit the maybe tilt of the attraction meter.

Tonight my phone sounded a steady buzz with incoming crap… posts from the Facebook whores.  Where’s the turn that shit off button? Oh yeah…. NOT ON THE PHONE!!!   I must log in to extricate myself from the onslaughts.  ULTRA LIBERAL… ULTRA CONSERVATIVE crazy making, over-sharers.   And then calm… quiet… back to oh yeah the awful, whiny emails from desperate students near the end of the term… or semester.

Then I heard another buzzzz… one slightly different from Facebook… Glancing at my phone, I expected Words With Friends, but nope… it was OKC, and I checked it.

The message was from a kid my son went to school with… not college, not high school, not even middle school… this was a 5th grade acquaintance of my son.  I didn’t recognize him, but he recognized me…. and over shared.  Blech….. Delete, block, and puke a bit.  Oy Vey!

KitchenDesigner2014

Red Zone

I really must get some of my stories up here… before senility occurs and I forget.

However, today’s match suggestion included a man named KitchenDesigner2014.  What woman wouldn’t swoon… and when I scanned his profile, I didn’t learn much at all.  Ho hum…. He’s straight, 46, and 5’10”. That means he’s like hundreds of others.   One older photo graces his page.  Stilllllll this guy knows how to lay out the bait. His name alone made me look. 😉

2015 is all about slacker dating

Red Zone

So far the newish year has brought no real dates and only 3 meet and greets.  Part of it is my schedule; it was busy last year, but this year I can’t seem to catch up.

While perusing today’s not so special offerings on Match.com, an ad popped up recommending that I try Catholic dating.  Take a look.

catholics

I’d return to church AND join Catholic dating if this is what I could expect.  Instead… I get the creepy Catholic guys (and other denominations too.) Catholics apparently have no exclusive on creepiness.

Onward.

 

Chickened out

Red Zone

Last Monday, I met a very nice man at Panera for our first meet and greet. We’d been exchanging messages on Match for about a month.

Side note… In general, I have not been pleased with Match matches.  The few who I have met come across far better on profile than in person, and don’t get me started on looks. The Match guys tend not to move from messaging to meeting with a steady pace; it’s as if they really just want a pen pal.  In contrast, the OKCupid guys, for the most part, move at a brisk pace and seem far more willing to meet.

Anyway back to the Panera meeting. My plan was to once again attempt the Cosmo flirting using their lean in… stare… move slowly back technique.

I arrived right on time… kind of amazing for me.  I didn’t see a blonde haired man loitering up front, so I walked up and ordered a tea. As I selected my teabag, I noticed he was sitting behind the entry, so he was looking right at me. I waved.   I noticed he was both shorter than I anticipated and more slender, and he sat perfectly still. No fidgeting. No phone out. None of the constant movement he would have seen from me had I arrived first.

I walked over to his table and he stood to greet me. I was wearing boots…as one of my friends calls them “whore boots.”  To clarify, that’s what she says she looks like when she wears them.

boots

I think they are stylish even though they have only 3″ heels. As he leaned in for a hug (something I am not a fan of unless I know the person), I could tell he was maybe one – two inches taller than me, so about 5’6″ or 5’7″ at most.  My filter is supposed to bar anyone under 5’10”. Anyway… I was there, and we’d exchanged messages long enough that I knew we’d get along, and I am so chatty that I can talk to anyone.

As we exchanged information, the small group at the table to our left grew to about 15 people of varying ages. At first they babbled about food, drinks, and the weather, and then they moved on to religion. They also literally moved around to each other… a lot.  The group was large, and each move required jostling, passing babies, children, coats, food… you name it… and I was pressed or pushed on by it. Despite the Match’s work for a Catholic charity, he didn’t enjoy the crowding any more than I did.  I was getting ready to suggest we leave, when he asked if we should move to an empty table closer to the back. Because I am terrible about exit routines, I said yes. DOH!

As we walked to the back, I thought… I’ll sit next to him and lean in.  I sat next to him alright, but the air of calmness, and perhaps reserve, that he projected stopped me.  We chatted for another 10 minutes or so before I looked at the time and noted I should be leaving.  He agreed. We thanked each other, and I never heard from him again.  He was as unattracted  to me as I was to him. I’m betting my constant chatter and fidgeting when I wasn’t talking with my hands were not at all what he’d expected. 🙂  Or maybe it was the “whore boots.”

 

 

First Flirting Foray

Red Zone

On Friday, I girded my loins and readied myself to meet my first victim date. It was time to try the Cosmo tips.

I walked into Starbucks, and saw THE  victim Guy facing me.  He looked like his photos: Tall, bald, blue-eyed, and fit. Such a relief! My waiting chair faced him at 6:00 to his 12:00.  I wanted to try to “lean in close and do a slow 3 count,” a la Cosmo’s recommendation.  However, I recognized the table height meant my boobs would take front and center stage if I sat across from him.  I wanted to test the technique… not boob dazzle him.

“I’m going to move the chair over here, so I can hear you better.” I scooched my chair to  his left… and in prime reach of the lean and stare flirting technique.   He smiled warmly.

We chatted amiably about the neighborhood… apparently we are very close to being neighbors. We moved easily into discussing workouts. He lifts and does yoga. Sweeeeeeeeeeet.  I like fitness.

Our conversation was moving along nicely, so it was time to try the technique.  I had narrowed it down to the following option: move in close for a S-L-O-W 3 count, and then slowly return to my place.  I took a deep breath… and made my move.  His big, blue eyes held mine…but not for a S-L-O-W  3 count… he smiled, just a little, and slanted his eyes up and to the right. His upper torso tilted away a bit too.  I couldn’t hold it in.  I giggled.  He zeroed back in.

I gave up the secret and told him what I had done.  He laughed, “I wondered! That’s awesome!” We moved back to chitchat.

The date ended with a walk to my car, a pleasant hug, and a promise to meet the following week.  I watched him as he strolled away.  Nice ass, but I didn’t grab it.

Cosmo Help for Dating

Red Zone

Last week I visited Orange and TW at work. They showed the following video.

Both suggested I try these Cosmo flirting tips. Orange and I did a few run throughs of the hair flipping. Static electricity made mine cling to my face. NOT flirty, I would think. Then we did THE STARE on TW. Laughter….Would Cosmo find this an acceptable response ?

Licking a crumb??? Here I must agree with one of the women from the video. This would make me look like I cannot eat like an adult; however, it’s winter, my lips are dry… I could lick them. I forgot to practice that one with Orange and TW… I think I’ll need feedback before taking it live.

Wellll  today will be my first meet and greet après Cosmo’s advice…  I won’t be grabbing ass, but for kicks, I am going to try the hair thing… and maybe the lean in too close. J

Look for a follow-up post.

88

I remain behind on stories, and I didn’t date or write much over the Christmas season; however, I am somewhat back on track now.

A few weeks before Christmas, I met #88 for tea/coffee at my favorite, also known as closest to me, Starbucks. I arrived right on time, and walked in. To my left, an older man with a full head of white hair looked at me expectantly.  Ummmm no… I distinctly remembered this guy I was meeting was either bald or had shaved his head. I walked to the counter to order tea: AWAKE! And as it is the season, like a Boy Scout, I picked up a couple of gift cards, to be prepared.

I heard my name called, and turned to see date #87 sipping something and chatting with a woman. I walked over to say hi, as he’d called me… and then realized they were on a meet and greet. AWKWARD.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Same as you,” I spied #88 as we were chatting… MUCH older looking than his photos and WAY shorter. Sigh!

I leaned in to whisper, “Yeah… this one isn’t going to work out.”

As I have mentioned in the past, I have height filters set on both OKC and Match to avoid those under 5’9”….knowing full well that a few guys who are 5’ 8 or 9 will list themselves as 5’10”.  A while back, I changed the lower height to 5’11” to mitigate these exaggerations.  I cannot help to whom I am attracted… no one can… But well, in this case, not attracted. 5’9” is about my cut point. I don’t know why…and I’ve tried working around it… No GO!

As I walked over to sit with #88, who had selected a cozy two-seater near the bathrooms, I wondered how long I’d need to stay for the sake of politeness. A beautiful, blonde, twenty-something called his name, and joined our conversation just as I sat down. They knew each other from Warings Gym, but he hadn’t seen her in months. She seemed more interesting than #88.  :/   Ooops… but I’ve been described by my gay friends as “the straightest person I know,” so that wasn’t going to work for me. As they chatted, I noticed #87 finalize his meet and greet. I texted him to save me with a phone call, and a few minutes later, he complied. However, I had blown his meet and greet.  I apologized via text. I may have to treat this very nice man to a beer and pizza to repay that little mess.