I agreed to meet for sushi after work. Whatever was I thinking?
BigTallDad looked like his photos. I am always pleased when that occurs; not everyone is honest about their looks. After the initial thumbs up from the first glimpse, the date didn’t go as well as it could have.
“You’re tiny,” he blurted as he stood to greet me with a hug. I ducked and sat in the waiting chair.
“Uh… thanks?” was my response. How awkward. I wasn’t sure if he had even meant it as a compliment.
The waitress came to take our orders. BigTallDad explained that sushi wasn’t always cooked. Well! Imagine that! He suggested I read the menu. I had the feeling he thought I had never eaten sushi before. I was going to ask when his phone buzzed.
“Give me a second,” he said.
I ordered my sushi favorites: spicy tuna and octopus shashimi, and a small pot of green tea.
BigTallDad placed his phone on the table and ordered a couple of the specialty rolls and a second Sapporo.
“So…you’re a busy lady.”
“You look pretty fit too.”
The waitress intervened with the tea.
“They give me specials here because I come here all the time. I even bring my own chopsticks.”
“Why?” I wondered aloud.
“Oh these cheap bamboo…..” Buzz Buzz. “Just a second,” he grabbed the phone, read the next test and then tapped out a response.
“Where was I?” he returned from the phone.
I shrugged. I figured he could unravel our conversation trail on his own.
“You’re a teacher, right?”
“Yes,” I provided a simple answer.
“What’s that like? I bet the kids are not what they used to be.”
“Some students are…”
BUZZ BUZZ. “Oh hang on.” Read, tap, send.
“Where were we?”
THIS is why I HATE meeting guys for dinner as a first date. Surely at a meet and greet, this guy would have done the same. I get it; I am a bit of a telephone addict… but come on!!! Surely he knew the type of impression he was making!
“I think we were talking about my job.” I nodded. “I’m an engineer for the shipyard. The big one. I’ve been there since I graduated from college.” He leaned across the table, both hands prayer position flat on the table.
“Good for you.”
“I’m a great catch.” A big toothy grin accompanied his statement.
I nodded, and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.
Oooooooooooooh boy! WHEREVER was the food? I looked around as he repeated the read, tap, send process. I didn’t bother mentioning that I had a career, house, and car too, and when he placed the phone on the table, he started up on a different topic. Once again, BigTallDad didn’t require any participation in his monologue.
Read, tap…. Oh oh interruption: the waitress arrived with our rolls. Reread, tap some more….send.
I had inhaled 3 of the six sushi pieces.
“Oh I like a woman who likes her food!”
I pointed at my mouth and smiled. Yep… I was going to eat and get the hell out of dodge… or Sakura in this case.
He picked up his chopsticks and spent a while stirring what he assured me was the perfect mix of wasabi and soy sauce.
I was on the octopus by then, so while his head was bent toward his phone as he completed the read, tap, send ritual, I signaled the passing waitress for my check.
“That’s my son,” he offered as the first words of explanation. “He’s 15 and he’s trying to decide whether to make frozen pizza or order one.”
I nodded, and watched the waitress approach with my bill.
“I’m telling him how to order a pizza.”
Uh… really? I saved my incredulous response, took the offered check, insured it was for my meal alone, signed, and returned it.
I stood. “It’s been interesting,” I said.
I turned to leave.
“That’s it?” he asked. “Why? What’s wrong? I’m really interested in you!”
Seriously: SMH or maybe I should smack his!
“You texted the entire time I have been here. Good night.”
I walked to the door.
“It was my son!”
I kept walking.
“But wait! You’re hot!”
I didn’t run, but I picked up the pace.